I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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