Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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