My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm having to shit out rocks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
