Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
