At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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