Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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