Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
