You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
