planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
