So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
