You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
