quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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