I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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