My room smells like vodka and shame
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
