I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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