i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
