wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
