all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
