oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
