Just fell off a train. Bad.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
