i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
