she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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