pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
