Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
