there's paper in my vomit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
