You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize