Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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