I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
