you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
