he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
