drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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