I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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