I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
