Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
