Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
