That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so let's talk penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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