She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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