Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
