We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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