i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
