You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
