1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
