did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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