Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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