So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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