i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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