Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
