i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
