You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
