I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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