rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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