okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
