i just had sex bonerless
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
