Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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