I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
