Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
