Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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