woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
tell me about the fingering
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