If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
