Pappa wants mamma naked
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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