There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
