I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
