I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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