Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
