sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's official drugs can't kill me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
