we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
