He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
