im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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