So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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