Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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