It's like God shit irony all over that family
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
