please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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