He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
