drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
